I'm seriously losing my faith here. I talked to one of my friends from school on the bus the other day, and he told me he got really exited from thinking about what we'd do in the future, when we graduate. It got me down, because I don't feel that. When I think of the future, I don't feel exited about my profession at all. Or a bit maybe, but not in that "I wan't to do it every day nine-to-five" kind of way. Is there something wrong with me, am I lacking a feel good-gene or something? All I really see myself doing in the future, as a real profession, is writing, yet I already find it hard to do... so am I a masochist or do I just have ambitions?

A few days ago I was having these same feelings, but somehow I could just go "It doesn't matter, I'm not in a hurry, I will find my own way"... but today I just don't know. My ultimate nightmare is waking up too late, realising what could have been had I only made the right choices...

I do see a pattern here though. Every time I feel like I haven't been able to control my eating, or when I feel I've been putting too little effort into it, I get insecure about everything else as well. But when the whole eating thing is going well (read: I'm hungry and exercise a lot), life feels... easy is a way, simple. Like as long as I have this under control, there is nothing I need to worry about. I WANT, NO I NEED THAT FEELING TO COME BACK.

C A